How to be realistic with a new year’s resolution - especially in perimenopause
It’s the time of year when folks are talking about new year’s resolutions. I always approach these with caution and prefer to think about setting intentions for myself. But it comes to mind this year especially because I’ve been immersed in research about (peri)menopause and I wonder how many women are considering adding something that touches perimenopausal changes they’ve noticed in their minds and bodies into a resolution.
If you’re following the (peri)menopause content, you’re hearing about the importance of nutrition and exercise, mindfulness, prioritizing sleep, social connections, and the ever ambiguous “self-care.” If you’re feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and exhausted (as so many of us are), it can feel impossible to put one more thing on your plate.
I want to be very clear here and say that you absolutely do not need to make a resolution. You do not need to change anything or add anything. You are already enough just exactly as you are. Just surviving is an accomplishment. Go you!
If however you are contemplating setting a goal or intention for the year, here are some thoughts.
With so many areas to consider - work, family, health, personal growth, friendships, hobbies, and on and on, it's hard to know where to start and then it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, paralyzed, and stuck. It’s also easy to fall into one or more of three traps - waiting to feel motivated, starting too big, and all or nothing thinking. These are the downfall of many good resolutions, goals, or intentions.
Today I’ll write about starting small and “all or nothing” thinking.
If you haven’t been exercising, regularly eating nutritious foods, staying hydrated, meditating, prioritizing sleep, or taking steps to start something meaningful, please do not set a goal to take on too many things at once or make too large of a goal to start.
“All or nothing” thinking happens when we get into the mindset that if we don’t do something exactly as planned or for a certain amount of time, then there’s no point in doing it. Years ago when I was still able to run, someone told me that if I didn’t go out and run for at least 30 minutes there was no point in even going out. Thankfully I now know that this is completely false, demotivating, and just kind of mean. Five minutes of walking or running is better than no minutes. And hey, maybe if you tell yourself you just have to walk for five minutes you’ll actually want to go a little further once you’re out there. Motivation follows action (Just Do It!) and if you wait to feel motivated you may never get started. More on this in my next post. Another kind of all or nothing thinking is “I tried to give up eating so much sugar and I ate some so I blew it” or “I haven’t been to the gym in a week so what’s the point?” The truth is, every moment is a chance to start again.
So, start small. Choose one area and choose one small action to start with.
Here are some examples:
If you want to eat healthier but this has not been an area of priority for you, choose one healthy food that you actually like: a fruit, a vegetable, a whole grain, and incorporate that into your diet. It can be as simple as grabbing a handful of carrots, eating an apple or a clementine, or switching to whole grain bread for your sandwich. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You could also have a glass of water when you might have typically had a sugary drink.
If you want to start exercising but you’re not currently, start small and realistic. Take a walk around the block, park a little bit further from the store. Small actions add up and small actions are easier to build on once you feel a sense of accomplishment and you start to feel better. It’s much easier to build when you start small. If you hate going to the gym, don’t say that you’re going to go to the gym because there’s a really good chance that you’re not and then you’ll stay stuck in the cycle of feeling bad about yourself. If you want to go to the gym, try to find a gym buddy or find a class that you might like and just go. The hardest thing is getting started. But at some point you just need to put on your walking shoes and walk outside even if it’s for 5 minutes. Don’t tell yourself that you have to start with an hour or even 30 minutes. If it helps, listen to a podcast or call a friend or listen to an audiobook that you only listen to while you’re moving your body. Or listen for birds or just give your brain a break and look around; use your senses to notice your environment.
If you’ve wanted to try mindfulness but don’t know where to start, start by being present and using your senses with what you see, hear, and smell in this moment. Notice thoughts and name them as thoughts, and then bring your attention back to what you see, hear, or smell. Notice the feeling of the air on your skin. That’s mindfulness. It’s as simple as paying attention to where you want your attention to be at this moment.
If you want to prioritize social connection, send a text or make a phone call. It’s easy to assume that everyone is too busy, but think about how you would feel if a friend texted you out of the blue to say “Hi! I’m thinking about you.”
If you want to make a change, one small thing today. What will your one thing be?
If you feel too overwhelmed to consider a resolution right now, then please honor that. Give yourself some kindness. Life is hard. Honor yourself for being alive.
Sending you all much love, kindness, and compassion in the new year.
I specialize in working with women who are experiencing anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and/or burnout, especially in the (peri)menopause transition. If you are interested in working with me, click the “schedule a free consultation” button on any page of my website:https://jennifermieschphd.com/. I am able to work with people in 44 US states and territories.
Thank you for reading. Be well.
-Jennifer Miesch, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist in independent practice and author of The Mental Health Through Menopause and The Being Enough Blog
A blog post is not a substitute for mental health therapy. This blog is not intended to diagnose or treat any physical or mental health conditions.
