How to not wait to feel motivated to get started

This is part 2 of my post about being realistic with resolutions. 

We so often fall into the trap of waiting to feel motivated to get started. Waiting for motivation to start something is tough. Research and anecdotal evidence has shown that motivation typically follows action. 

I’ve heard from many of the women I work with that they wish that health and physical fitness were core values for them because they want to be healthier but it’s difficult to make changes - mostly due to lack of time, energy, and motivation. 

I am not saying that you should have a goal of health or fitness. But in my practice, I hear this a lot. If health or fitness are not core values for you, then it might be harder for you to feel intrinsically motivated to exercise, eat more nutritious foods, or engage in other healthy behaviors. If this is the case, then you’ll need to borrow from another core value. If you value quality time with family, then you’ll likely want to stay healthy for longer and be around for the ones you love. Perhaps you’d love to have grandchildren someday, or you already do, and you want to be able to pick them up, get down on the floor, and chase after them. If that’s the case, then you need to be lifting, bending, and walking now. You might love time with your partner or friends and want to grow old together and be able to do the things that you enjoy. You might value being independent and not want to rely on others to care for you any sooner than necessary. Or you might want to sleep better and have more energy, which exercise definitely helps with. 

Whatever you value, use that as the anchor for your choices. It will almost always be easier or feel more comfortable to stay in bed or stay on the couch, or it might feel necessary to stay at your desk and work through lunch. We call this a choice point - do I make the move toward the life I want to be living, or do I make an avoidance move (which is usually easier and more comfortable in the moment)? If you are not feeling motivated at this moment, you can borrow from past successes or times when you felt good. “I don’t want to go outside for a walk right now but I know that I almost always feel better after I do.” Or you can think ahead to what you want to be doing in the future, e.g. “I’d like to be walking a few miles a week.” 

This isn’t just about fitness – that just happens to be one that I hear frequently. Other examples are wanting more social connection but feeling tired or anxious and declining invitations to go out, so you stay in the familiar and comfortable space at home. Or wanting to explore a new career but you feel overwhelmed and avoid researching possibilities, so you stay stuck in an unsatisfying job. The saying is “the devil you know” because the familiar is often more comfortable than the unknown even when we don’t like it. 

In order to make choices that will get you on the path you want to be living, you have to think beyond the comfort (or discomfort) of the present moment and think a step (or 2 or 3) ahead. 

Another way to frame this is to think about what you want to be doing a week, month, or year from now and take one small step toward it today - one small step, one choice point at a time. It is crucial to notice if you are using shame or self-criticism in attempts to fuel yourself into change. There is lots of research to show that self-criticism is actually highly demotivating and we are less likely to persist in hard things when using shame to fuel ourselves. Using core values as a guide for making choices toward living an authentic life is very different from criticizing yourself into making changes. Using your values is leaning into your most true and authentic self - not trying to be something that you are not or what you think you are supposed to do or what someone else expects of you. 

If you struggle with this, finding a therapist who is skilled at helping you understand your values, your choice points, and what gets in the way of taking steps toward living the life you want can be very helpful. The type of therapy I most often use with clients is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT, which is pronounced as the word rather than the acronym). Core values are at the heart of ACT, along with mindfulness and self-compassion. 

And as always, you are enough just exactly as you are. No changes needed. Be well, friends. 

I specialize in working with women who are experiencing anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and/or burnout, and want to be living with more peace, purpose, and authenticity, especially in the (peri)menopause transition. If you are interested in working with me, click the “schedule a free consultation” button on any page of my website:https://jennifermieschphd.com/. I am able to work with people in 44 US states and territories. 

Thank you for reading. If you found this helpful, please share and follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Bluesky, or Substack.
  -Jennifer Miesch, Ph.D. 

Licensed Psychologist in independent practice and author of The Mental Health Through Menopause and The Being Enough Blog

A blog post is not a substitute for mental health therapy. This blog is not intended to diagnose or treat any physical or mental health conditions.