Some things I wish I’d known about perimenopause
Reading all of these books about the perimenopause experience has me looking back over the past 10 years and thinking “Damn! I really went through all of that for a long time without having any understanding of why I felt so awful!” It was easy to blame work, parenting, and relationship stress on the chronic feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, depression, and insomnia. It felt like a constant feedback loop and I couldn’t figure out where it started or how to stop it. The baffling periods with debilitating cramps and heavy irregular bleeding like I was a teenager again, the mood swings, the tears, the anger! There was weird GI stuff and bloating and my pants not fitting. Was it stress and burnout? The state of the world? The fact that my kid was also struggling? Being decades into a marriage? Did I just hate my job? There is so much going on physically and mentally and until recently there was very little information available. I now understand that it wasn’t just me. My friends were also going through it and sharing or isolating to varying degrees.
Most women have been taught to take care of everyone else, work hard, don’t ask for help, and never show that you’re struggling. When asked how you’re doing, just smile and say “great” or “fine, and how are you?” We rarely if ever answer honestly. I wish I had known what was happening in my body and brain. I wish I had known to ask my closest friends about their symptoms. I wish I had understood that the intense emotions and feelings of overwhelm, burnout, and crushing exhaustion had a name. I wish I hadn’t wasted time with doctors who suggested expensive and invasive procedures that wouldn’t have helped anyway.
But now I do know. I know what perimenopause is and that it starts earlier than most people think. I know that it is not a problem to be fixed but the symptoms can be managed better than just ignoring them and hoping it gets better someday. I know how to find medical practitioners who are up to date on the latest research and best practices. I know that estradiol and progesterone help me feel much better. And I know that just taking the hormones is not enough. I am moving my body and lifting weights and eating nutritious foods (or trying to more often than not). I meditate and read and write and connect with friends. I do the work to manage anxiety. I have rediscovered the joy of live music. I am happy in my garden and on the trails. I am learning how to ask for what I need and set boundaries. I try to always step outside during the golden hour and watch the tops of the trees glowing from the sunset. I’ve learned that the little things really do add up (both good and not so good!)
I have also come to understand that a core value is learning and sharing information. I faced my fears and left the secure job and started a practice that I love where I get to continually learn and grow in areas that are intensely fascinating to me and I get to share what I learn in ways that are accessible. I get to support women as they look at their own lives and what they need, what they might want to change, and what gets in the way. I get to validate and normalize and help women empower themselves. I know that all of this is a tremendous privilege and I am grateful.
Most days I love what I do. Most days I feel better. Some days I still feel fatigued and anxious and my joints ache and muscles I didn’t even know that I had hurt and I swear sometimes I injure myself in my sleep.
I’ve learned that I need to do the things that matter to me even when it feels hard and scary.
So here I am writing and sharing what I wish I had known for the past decade. I am a woman in the perimenopause (almost to menopause!) transition and a licensed psychologist.
You’ve heard about the recommended lifestyle modifications to keep you healthier though perimenopause/menopause and you might not know where or how to get started. There are guidelines and there’s the reality of implementation. Find practitioners who are up to date on research as you enter into or just start learning about this perimenopause journey. There are many good books out there. There is also a lot of misinformation. The Menopause Society is a great place to find current research and a directory of providers. Find the support you need whether it’s with professionals and/or your friend and family group.
You are not alone. Perimenopause is not a problem, disorder, or disease. It is biology. And there are some perks that come along with it. Fewer f@cks to give? Yes please, with a side of clarity, peace, and empowerment.
And a lot of Brandi Carlile and Indigo Girls concerts.
If you are interested in working with me, click the “schedule a free consultation” button on any page of my website: https://jennifermieschphd.com/
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A blog post is not a substitute for mental health therapy. This blog is not intended to diagnose or treat any physical or mental health conditions.
